Marriage Happenings #1

Since I’ve officially been married for 13 months, I figured it would be fun if I started a little series on my blog of all the crazy crap that happens in my marriage. I’ll post a new one every month on the 25th with the previous month’s “events.”

Even if you’re not married, you should still have a lot of fun reading this. After all, that’s the point! Enjoy♥

Happenings of my First Wedding Anniversary, in short: So, the hubbs and I were attempting to have some “married time” at like 5 in t he morning on no sleep. It didn’t end well.. somehow, I ended up punching him in the face and giving him a black eye. No anniversary of  mine would be complete without someone getting injured. But then… Karma happened. We were on the way to a Celtic Fest in our county, all was well and good. When we got there, we realized that they were charging entrance fees and guess who was $3 short of being able to get in? Us. On the way back to the car while I was huffing and puffing, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking. Of course I would trip in the biggest pot hole I’ve ever seen and dislocate my ankle. By the way, this happened at around 1 pm. Needless to say, the rest of our day wasn’t very exciting.

*Husband is wildly ill with some weird virus.  I’m “in the mood” because hormones*

Him: Why are you so horny????

Me: *leans in really close & whispers in his ear* Because you’re pathetic.

I scared my husband into thinking that one of my favorite blankets got ruined in the laundry (because he decided to do it himself). When he realized it was a joke, he called me an asshole. I attempted to fart on him as revenge and ended up peeing myself at the same time. Karma never fails to find me swiftly.

Me: *about five hours into a much needed sleep*

Him: *wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck*

Him: How awake are you?

Me: Not awake enough for you to be up on me.

Me: We should put party hats on the cats’ faces and put them on separate rumbas and watch them joust.

Him: *most disappointed look I’ve ever seen*

*douche in a raised Jeep parks so close to us that I can’t even open my door*

Me: Wow, what a douche. He looks like one too. Forgot leg day, pigeon bitch!

Him: You’re going to get me shot one day.

So, I was painting my nails downstairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something out of place. I look over to see my husband down on all fours with his ass pointed directly into the cat bed. He farted on his cat.

This happened exactly a year ago, as I’m writing this. I feel like it’s necessary to add it.

Him: If I was a man whore, I would have been on all the local dating sites like…

Him: ……….

Me: Grindr?

Him: Basically.

Him: ……….

Him: Wait.. No.

*In the car, going into a gas station*

Him: You’re my little spicy Italian…. Hey pretty lady, can I buy you a Gatorade?

Me: *I can’t even begin to explain how nasty the look I gave was*

Him: You married me. You put up with me, I put up with  your cat.

Me: That’s rude.

Him: Well, your cat’s an asshole.

That’s it for the first round of Marriage Happenings. I hope you enjoyed! If you want to know more about what’s going on with me, please check out my Life & Blog Update #1. 


If you’ve stuck around this long, please check me out on social media too! You can find me on FacebookInstagram, Twitter, and Pinterest ♥♥♥




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